A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can't go anywhere until you change it.

I'm 2 weeks post op. 

My knee looks 100 times better than I thought it would. 

The constant pain is not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. 

The crutches don't hurt my armpits like they did pre surgery. 

My cankle is normal cankle size. 

The swelling is there, but it could be way worse. 

My wounds are healing. 

I am proud of my scar.

I stopped taking ibuprofin PM to sleep last night.

I did 5 full revolutions on the stationary bike last night.

I did partial revolutions for 20 minutes.

I start PT tomorrow, and I can't wait to get my ass kicked. No pain no gain.

I can put 100% weight on my new ACL.

Let's not pretend I am positive all the time. I am by nature a negative person. I am making a conscious effort to change that, because... if I don't try and stay positive, I will never get better. I am allowed a break down now and then, but I can't waste all my time complaining and feeling bad for myself. People have it worse than me. People I know have it worse than me. I have no business complaining. I will cry and whine at weak moments, but as a whole, it is what I make it. I need to push myself... which I've been doing. I need to work my ass off.

One Week Follow Up with Dr. A

I can't believe it has already been 8 days since surgery. It has not been fun, but I am past one of the hardest points, and that makes me happy- although I know I have a lot of painful hardwork in the future. After visiting with Dr. A today I feel alot more positive and confident with my recovery.

I finally am starting to feel back to normal- not as much nausea, not as tired. That first week was rough. I felt like crap. There is no other way to describe it. I remember almost nothing from last week. I actually don't even remember writing my blog posts. I don't remmeber conversations, but I do remember bits and pieces of events. I just wanted to take a minute and thank everyone that has come to visit me over the last week. Visitors took my mind of the pain, and put be in better spirits. So... Mom, Dad, Lindsey, Grams & Gramps, Amelia, Jen, Jon, Scott, and my in laws... thank you so much for spending time with me. It meant alot. Also a huge thanks to my mom and hubby- for being my nurses all last week when I couldn't do anything on my own... and for comforting me when I was frustrated and in pain. I also received so many great gifts, and I am thankful for having my Pumknpie Steph who I wish lived closer, and hopefully will soon.

So, waking up this morning I was very stressed about my doctor's appointment. I felt like I wasn't maybe where I was supposed to be with PT, especially since I stopped taking pain killers on day 2. Maybe if I took them, I could have pushed harder. I felt supper nervous about getting my stitches out-- Kyle makes fun of me because when y surgery was planned, I was more worried about getting my stitches out then the actual surgery. I mean, I know that is ridiculous, but I am ridiculous.

Here is what my leg looked like at day 5:

(Doesn't that incision look like Frankenstein??)

 I got to the surgeon's office and got stitches taking out of my arthroscopic holes. It stung a little, but nothing I couldn't handle. From there, I went in to get x-rays, then back to the room to get the long stitches out of my incision. That wasn't so bad either, although I was so nervous I was sweating. Then Dr. A came in-- had me do a few things and then told me how great I have progressed. Holy crap did that feel awesome to hear. My mobility is ahead of schedule, and he thinks I will be off crutches sooner than originally thought!

My xrays show that I am healing well inside- and he said my new ACL feels solid which is great news. He said that my case was rare- the original plan was to harvest my hamstring and so after going in my hamstring wasn't big enough, so in addition he also used a cadaver ligament. So yes, I have a dead person in me. Awesome!

So the plan for now is that I start actual PT next Friday. I am going to a new physical therapist, so I will be starting over fresh. I am excited to get going and strengthen up my leg. As of right now, my left leg looks a little like I have Polio. I would like to get them back to the same size... right now my left leg is significantly smaller than the right. I think that I will measure so that I can track my process.

I feel great, I feel positive (a big change from last week and even this morning), and I am looking forward to getting back to normal.

Important things: Laughing, Determination, Nail Polish, Ibuprofen, Ginger Ale, Tissues, and a Husband, Family, and Friends that know what you need without having to tell them.

No comedic youtube video for me

I will admit it, my husband was right.

I watched a million youtube videos of everything having to do with ACL surgery-- the actual surgery, the recovery, and then finally... coming out of anesthesia. I begged Kyle to videotape me coming out of anesthesia because I thought it would be fun to make fun of myself later. Kyle said no, he would not do that, it's a private thing, my mom took his side, I pouted, etc. Turns out it is pretty awesome that they chose that route, because me coming out of anesthesia was not pretty, and quite frankly it was a little scary.

I remember bits and pieces, but it was horrible. Since I didn't have my glasses on, I think it heightened my panic, so that didn't help. The first time I woke up, I couldn't see, and I was shaking uncontrollably.  I started panicking because I didn't know where anyone was. The nurse came over pretty quickly I am sure, but it felt like forever. I told her I couldn't stop shaking and I couldn't see. I remember her telling me that I was convulsing and it was a normal side effect that some people have, and they were giving me demerol to control it. She also said she would get Kyle for me.

The next time I woke up I was still shaking, Kyle was there, and I felt horrible. The nurse was there, and was telling us that they were giving me another dose of demerol because my shaking had not stopped yet. At his point I remember them talking about concern that my heart rate wasn't stabilizing. It kept spiking up and down, and it wasn't settling. I think I fell asleep again. I remember hearing the concern in Kyle and the nurse's voice. I wish he didn't have to worry about me like that.

The next time I woke up, I was in the room I had started in before surgery. They were discussing whether I would be staying for observation or not. I was told before that there was a chance I would be staying, but given my inscrutableness, I am sure that didn't help. I really really really did not want to stay over. I was so uncomfortable, I felt absolutely horrible. The shaking had stopped, but I felt so anxious. After I hung out for a while longer, drank like 3 cans of gingerale, and had some crackers... they ok'ed me to go home. Thank god.

I was totally drugged up, and I don't remember leaving the hospital, but I do remember being put in the car-- I remember sitting in the back super excited about the strawberry milkshake I was about to get, and I am pretty sure I google chatted Scott and Steph. not sure what I said, but there was definitely some conversation.

Surgery Day better late than never.

I am not as good at this blog as I would have originally thought I would be. I assumed I would be bored out of my mind, blogging away about everything I can think of. I did not take into consideration the drugs I would be taken. I had surgery 4 days ago, and I am finally able to put thoughts together. So now I have to play catch up and go back to everything I have done since Tuesday.

Here is my pre surgery knee situation. Good amount of swelling, but not so bad.

Surgery Day:
Well.... it wasn't any better or worse than I expected. It was just different. I arrived at 6:15am for an 8:00am surgery. They took me in pretty much right away. They had Kyle wait in the waiting room while I went to my bed, put a hospital gown on and got comfortable. By comfortable I mean uncomfortable. There is nothing comfortable about what happened from this point until now.

They asked me a lot of questions- when did I last eat, what leg am I having surgery on, have I taken any medication, etc. I do have one very important bit of advice that I received that everyone should know about. If you are receiving anesthesia.... tell every nurse, the anesthesiologist, the doctor... everyone... that you get carsick and you have motion sickness. They will put a patch behind your ear and it will eliminate all nausea for the first 2 days. It was amazing. I know this because when I took it off, I felt like I needed to yack every five minutes, and I know longer found food important. The tricky thing with that is that you need to eat food to take the percs. Anyways, get the patch.

From there, Kyle was allowed back in and we hung out for a little while. They put in my IV and started me on fluids. The anesthesiologist came in to ask some questions, and also took the time to tell me to chill out because I was way too serious. He brought in an assistant that sounded like her was from central Alabama. His accent was fun. They said they would come back once the doctor came in and signed my leg.

Dr. A came in a little while after- asked me some questions, and gave me a few last minute details- I would have pain down my shin for awhile, make sure I do my exercises, and I would lose feeling permanently on the left side of my shin, underneath my knee. He said the area will start larger, but the permanent loss size will be the size of a silver dollar. My brain will adjust, and I will eventually not even notice. I think this is a lie since I lost feeling at the top of one of my fingers a few years ago and I will realize that. My brain did not forget.

Anyways, he autographed above and below my knee, and told me he would see me in the OR.

Enter the anesthesiologist and his Alabamanian. They came in to do the nerve block. Basically, this is used for pain management. They stuck a long thin needs through my groin, and although I was exposed and awkward, they gave me drugs to make me not care, and I watched the ultra sound monitor as they maneuvered the needle around. Done. Takes about 20 minutes and they kept having me lift my leg to see how heavy it was. Eventually I thought I was lifting it when I wasn't.

I was wheeled into the ER and I only remember a few things from there.
- The nurse asked me if I was cold, I said yes, they gave me a warm blanket
- The nurse told me she was putting a circulation stocking on my non surgical leg.
- The anesthesiologist told me they were giving me oxygen
- The nurse helped me put the surgery cap on
- Dr. A said hello

From there, I remember nothing.

One Week... Barenaked Ladies Style.

Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of losing my shirt.
(and a crutch)

One week until surgery!

If you know me- there is no need to explain the state I am in right now. 

If you don't know me, here is a brief summary:

Hives. High Strung. Emotional. Ridiculous. Obsessive. Not Sleeping.

That about sums it up.

On a positive note- Modern Family Season 1 on it's way to my house from Netflix. I have Mario Kart ready to go.What else is more important than that?