Day 3... crazy kids.

My dance kids make me laugh and drive me crazy. I am proud of them like they are mine and I can't imagine life without them.

"There is a bit of insanity in dancing that does everybody a great deal of good." -Edwin Denby

2nd day of the year... pizza and positivity

Saw this today--

"Find the joy. When You feel it, let it wash over you. And take a moment to appreciate it. Be grateful for the people in your life, for waking up feeling good and pain free, and for the stretch of road ahead that's so full of possibilities. When you encounter bumps, keep going and don't look back." -Katie Couric

Photo a day kickoff

Happy New Year!
Here's to a better year than 2012!

Hello 2013, Are you there? It's me, Chrissy.

It is safe to say that I have dropped the ball on my blog. Never fear, as I have returned. First I will catch you up. Then I will tell you why I need 2013 to start. Lastly, I will explain my new direction for my blog.

It's been 6 months and 13 days (or 197 days) since my surgery. This means I have just passed the halfway point of my recovery. I've had ups and downs (but no turns! hahaha) since my last post. I graduated from physical therapy, I've had a few follow ups with the doctor, and I have gone back to all my dance classes.The doctor says everything is on track-- no leaps or turns, but for the most part I can work out and dance as I feel comfortable. I'm teaching 2 jazz classes, 2 hip hop classes, and 2 tap classes a week. I've taken it slow, but try to do a little more each week. my scare is still not very attractive, but hopefully it will chillax as time goes by. My hip bursitis that I developed as a result of my surgery has stayed longer than it was welcome-- which was not at all. I got a cortisone shot in September, it helped for about a month and a half, and then the pain came creeping back. If I have dance, the next morning I walk with a limp. If I sit for too long, when I get up, I walk with a limp. 50 cent was hit with a few shells but doesn't walk with a limp. I get hit with a scalpel and now I do walk with a limp. Figures. Ghetto Fab.

Dr. A says the bext 6 months are tough because I will think I am better than I am. I will get frustrated that I can't do things. I will be pissed that progress is slow and at times be unnoticeable. I need to be extra careful because it is still fragile and healing. He says his best advice is... patience. Great... cause everyone knows I am super great at being patient. I will see him again right around the 1 year mark. Hopefully I will be back to normal by then.

Now, as for 2012. It's quite clear that this was not my year. The curses overshadowed the good in my pessimistic brain. More specifically, the last 6 months of 2012 did not work out for me. I have been waiting for 2013 to start- I cannot wait to have a fresh year. I have given up on this year, so 2013 better be good. 2012, you suck. Bad.

I saw an article the other day about a man who took a picture every single day for 18 years. I decided that I was going to try and tackle this, but maybe not for the same reasons he did. I need to change my perspective. I also need to remind myself that for an unlucky person, I am still pretty lucky. Each day I will take a picture of something that makes me happy, or something I appreciate, or something fabulous, or something everyone should see, etc. Surely I can find at least one thing each day to be happy or thankful about, right?

New Year's Resolution-- Be happy. Be fun. Be a better friend to the friends worth being better friends to (I have figured out who those people are). Post a picture daily to remind myself that there are always good things in my life, I just have to look around and notice them. Get my shit together with knee rehab.

So good riddance, 2012. Hello, 2013. (As long as I survive one plane ride)

A much better pain scale.

Moody McMooder.

I am pretty pissed off with my recovery the last few weeks, so I am going to keep the complaining to a minimum and just show some pictures. Nothing good will come from most of what I have to say. You're welcome.

This is a positive that I can focus on for now. The left is 1 week post op and the right is 8 weeks post op. Can't really complain about the scar situation. It looks much less Frankenstein these days. My PT Brian told me that scars show strength and character and that I should be proud of it. Sure.

In other news, my cankle ripped my sock. On one side, I am surprised this has never happened, because my cankles have always been there, and the socks are always the same size. On the other side, this is ridiculous. Thanks dad, I really appreciate the cankles you passed on to me.

Yup.

Have a happy weekend everyone.

Who wants to run a marathon?

So we kicked off wedding season this past weekend. Saturday was our first wedding of 8 in the next 3 months. It just so happens I had another follow up with Dr. A on Friday, just in time!

I was nervous as hell going to my appointment. My expectation or hope was that he would give me the tests, and take me out of the immobilizer. Judging from the PT's thoughts, I would be out of the immobilizer but still on crutches.

Dr. A came in, tested the strength of the new ACL, had me do a few things on the table, and then he says... have you walked without crutches? Now... what do I say to this.

I am a horrible liar. I have the worst poker face, and I went to catholic school so I carry the jesus guilt. I have no problem shooting out minor fiblets on occassion... but for the most part, I suck at lying. I also know that you should never lie to your doctor about important things. I also don't want to get yelled at. So the following conversation happened:

Dr. A: Have you walked without crutches

Me: Ummmm... (look at Kyle, look at Dr. A, turn red, look down)... I may have.

Dr. A: Why did you bring your crutches in then?

Kyle: Because she didn't want to get yelled at

Dr. A: Why would I yell at you?

Me: Because you told me to stay in the immobilizer and use crutches

He then tells me to walk. This is not as easy as it sounds.... walking is no longer something I do without thinking. I now in my head (or out loud) say... "Bend, lift, straighten, heel, toe". Luckily my PT warned me and coached me about the do's and don'ts of what I needed to do to pass the tests. I also knew that my major weaknesses are bending my leg, and doing straight leg lifts. Straight leg lifts are not something I am good at. She sternly tells me that I NEED to squeeze the quad before lifting, or I will get the shakes, and fail miserably. Even doing that I might fail because my strength is so bad.

So wasn't luck on my side when he has me do everything EXCEPT the leg raises??? Yes, it sure was. And by was, I mean WAS.

All seems great on the test front until Dr. A decides to call my PT to double check that everything is going ok. He says alot of ok, ok, yes, ok, hmmm, ok. Then he's back. He looks at me and says do a straight leg raise.

DAMNNNNN YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU PT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Son of a nutracker, gosh darn, jimminy crickets.

I do it, he says "stop with the baby muscles"... what does that even mean???? I have no idea!

So he tells me... you need to work on that, but you are off crutches.....

WINNING!!!!!!!

Followed by... 

for the most part... except for when you need to stand or walk for a while (ie weddings). Poop.

Oh well, the positive is... I am moving forward!! Baby steps. I will be at this walking and stationary bike stage for 8 weeks... then we will work on getting back to activities. I will take it.

So we spent the weekend up in NH- went to a wedding of a former dance team teammate. It was great to be with the whole gang, and super great that they didn't ditch me all night to be on the dance floor. We were joking beforehand that I should learn to do the Lisa Turtle "Sprain". Shout out to Saved By the Bell.

We all hung out and had a great time, and it wasn't a downer to not be dancing as much as I thought. The fact that they stayed with me made it less painful. Hopefully by our last wedding of the year (another dance team wedding!) I will be able to bust a move.

I'm sorry what? You want to walk me on a leash?

I waited to write this post because I was on a rampage, and I wanted something good to happen before I blurted it all out on the debACLe page.

Last Thursday marked 4 weeks since surgery. One whole month! It just so happened that I had a PT appointment. Up until this hell day, PT was uncomfortable, a little painful, hard work, but it was tolerable. I walk in and I am seeing the PTA today for the first time. Originally I would have seen the PTA every other time, but because my case is rare and also fragile at first, the PT stayed with me for the first couple weeks.

Let the pain and horribleness begin. After my usual warm up exercises, he tells me we are going to walk for the first time. This might sound silly, but I literally have to learn to walk on my left leg again. What used to be a mindless activity is actually difficult. I don't have full range of motion and I have minimal muscle strength in my leg, so even holding up my body is difficult. BUT that being said, I had already cheated and I have been doing it a little bit at home. He then straps a belt around me with a leash. Are you kidding me? I ask him if he's joking. He is not.

For the next 10 minutes I get walked around the office like a dog. I am not being dramatic. 10 minutes doesn't seem like a long time, until you are being walked around the office in front of other people like a dog. I now feel guilty putting a leash on my own dog because it is not a good time. When we are done, he informs me that I did way better than he thought I would, I didn't even need the harness once (ya think?)

Then I lay on the table, Highway to Hell by AC/DC starts playing and then I was literally on the highway to hell. Stretching used to be one of my favorite things to do-- now that word stretching makes me cringe and want to kick someone in the teeth. I made a deal with myself that I would not ever cry while doing my PT. Crying shows weakness, and I want no delays in my recovery. However, this pain is so bad that my face turns purple (according to the PTA) and I had tears jumping out of my eyeballs. I don't consider it crying, because my definition of crying is sounds, quivering facial muscles, tears, and ugly cry face. I did none of those things... except tears.

In case you are wondering... here is my montage of celebrity ugly cry faces:

Who knew that bending my knee would be so miserable. Also 2nd worst stretching technique of the day: laying face down off a table with my knees and below hanging off... then putting weights on my ankle to try and force it straight. Swell!

After I told him I hated him and that he was a horrible person, 1. because he is a professional torturer, 2. because he showed no sympathy for me, and 3. i like to bitch and complain.... I got the usual ice and stim and was sent on my way--

On the drive home I decided that starting with the leash of embarassment erased all my dignity that I had left which put me in a not so good place for the activities that followed. I considered never going back, but hello can I be more dramatic. Nope. I would show him. I would go back ready for more torture the next time. I just needed the 4 days in between to get over it and hate him less.

4 weeks.

Today it has been 4 weeks since surgery. In some ways it feels more like 20, in other ways it feels like it has been 1 or 2. I can't believe how well healed my wounds are! They look really good still. I have been puncturing vitamin E oil capsules and squirting it on my cuts. Many people swear by this to eliminate scarring. I also read that it is a complete myth. Since I am gullible, and since I have nothing to lost by using it, I might as well keep at it. I will try anything!

Here is what my knee looks like at 4 weeks (the shiny stuff is the vitamin E):

I am going to PT tonight with some questions:

when can go in a pool? (because it sure as hell isn't fun watching your husband and dog frolic in the water while you sweat into disgustingness)

when do you think i will be able to wear high heels (judging from internet research, 1 year-  but im hoping for a better sooner answer)

can we kick up my motion exercises a notch? (i dont feel like I am in enough pain in that aspect- my hamstring/quad PT is kicking my ass, but I feel like I need to stay on the motion aspect and be pushed)

Next Friday I have my follow up with Dr. A- where he will decide if I can stop wearing the immobilizer and test me on my quad/hamstring strength, which when I eventually pass will result in no more crutches- but I Have been informed I will not be passing next week in the crutch category.

I have a very challenging weekend coming up- bachelorette party at Hampton Beach. Lots of things happening, most of which i can't partake in, including the exotic dancing class.... oh well. Looks like I will have to sit on the sidelines... but I am getting used to it. Nobody wants to see Gimpy McGoo try and dance like a stripper. It would not be a pretty sight.