Hello 2013, Are you there? It's me, Chrissy.

It is safe to say that I have dropped the ball on my blog. Never fear, as I have returned. First I will catch you up. Then I will tell you why I need 2013 to start. Lastly, I will explain my new direction for my blog.

It's been 6 months and 13 days (or 197 days) since my surgery. This means I have just passed the halfway point of my recovery. I've had ups and downs (but no turns! hahaha) since my last post. I graduated from physical therapy, I've had a few follow ups with the doctor, and I have gone back to all my dance classes.The doctor says everything is on track-- no leaps or turns, but for the most part I can work out and dance as I feel comfortable. I'm teaching 2 jazz classes, 2 hip hop classes, and 2 tap classes a week. I've taken it slow, but try to do a little more each week. my scare is still not very attractive, but hopefully it will chillax as time goes by. My hip bursitis that I developed as a result of my surgery has stayed longer than it was welcome-- which was not at all. I got a cortisone shot in September, it helped for about a month and a half, and then the pain came creeping back. If I have dance, the next morning I walk with a limp. If I sit for too long, when I get up, I walk with a limp. 50 cent was hit with a few shells but doesn't walk with a limp. I get hit with a scalpel and now I do walk with a limp. Figures. Ghetto Fab.

Dr. A says the bext 6 months are tough because I will think I am better than I am. I will get frustrated that I can't do things. I will be pissed that progress is slow and at times be unnoticeable. I need to be extra careful because it is still fragile and healing. He says his best advice is... patience. Great... cause everyone knows I am super great at being patient. I will see him again right around the 1 year mark. Hopefully I will be back to normal by then.

Now, as for 2012. It's quite clear that this was not my year. The curses overshadowed the good in my pessimistic brain. More specifically, the last 6 months of 2012 did not work out for me. I have been waiting for 2013 to start- I cannot wait to have a fresh year. I have given up on this year, so 2013 better be good. 2012, you suck. Bad.

I saw an article the other day about a man who took a picture every single day for 18 years. I decided that I was going to try and tackle this, but maybe not for the same reasons he did. I need to change my perspective. I also need to remind myself that for an unlucky person, I am still pretty lucky. Each day I will take a picture of something that makes me happy, or something I appreciate, or something fabulous, or something everyone should see, etc. Surely I can find at least one thing each day to be happy or thankful about, right?

New Year's Resolution-- Be happy. Be fun. Be a better friend to the friends worth being better friends to (I have figured out who those people are). Post a picture daily to remind myself that there are always good things in my life, I just have to look around and notice them. Get my shit together with knee rehab.

So good riddance, 2012. Hello, 2013. (As long as I survive one plane ride)

A much better pain scale.

Moody McMooder.

I am pretty pissed off with my recovery the last few weeks, so I am going to keep the complaining to a minimum and just show some pictures. Nothing good will come from most of what I have to say. You're welcome.

This is a positive that I can focus on for now. The left is 1 week post op and the right is 8 weeks post op. Can't really complain about the scar situation. It looks much less Frankenstein these days. My PT Brian told me that scars show strength and character and that I should be proud of it. Sure.

In other news, my cankle ripped my sock. On one side, I am surprised this has never happened, because my cankles have always been there, and the socks are always the same size. On the other side, this is ridiculous. Thanks dad, I really appreciate the cankles you passed on to me.

Yup.

Have a happy weekend everyone.

Who wants to run a marathon?

So we kicked off wedding season this past weekend. Saturday was our first wedding of 8 in the next 3 months. It just so happens I had another follow up with Dr. A on Friday, just in time!

I was nervous as hell going to my appointment. My expectation or hope was that he would give me the tests, and take me out of the immobilizer. Judging from the PT's thoughts, I would be out of the immobilizer but still on crutches.

Dr. A came in, tested the strength of the new ACL, had me do a few things on the table, and then he says... have you walked without crutches? Now... what do I say to this.

I am a horrible liar. I have the worst poker face, and I went to catholic school so I carry the jesus guilt. I have no problem shooting out minor fiblets on occassion... but for the most part, I suck at lying. I also know that you should never lie to your doctor about important things. I also don't want to get yelled at. So the following conversation happened:

Dr. A: Have you walked without crutches

Me: Ummmm... (look at Kyle, look at Dr. A, turn red, look down)... I may have.

Dr. A: Why did you bring your crutches in then?

Kyle: Because she didn't want to get yelled at

Dr. A: Why would I yell at you?

Me: Because you told me to stay in the immobilizer and use crutches

He then tells me to walk. This is not as easy as it sounds.... walking is no longer something I do without thinking. I now in my head (or out loud) say... "Bend, lift, straighten, heel, toe". Luckily my PT warned me and coached me about the do's and don'ts of what I needed to do to pass the tests. I also knew that my major weaknesses are bending my leg, and doing straight leg lifts. Straight leg lifts are not something I am good at. She sternly tells me that I NEED to squeeze the quad before lifting, or I will get the shakes, and fail miserably. Even doing that I might fail because my strength is so bad.

So wasn't luck on my side when he has me do everything EXCEPT the leg raises??? Yes, it sure was. And by was, I mean WAS.

All seems great on the test front until Dr. A decides to call my PT to double check that everything is going ok. He says alot of ok, ok, yes, ok, hmmm, ok. Then he's back. He looks at me and says do a straight leg raise.

DAMNNNNN YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU PT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Son of a nutracker, gosh darn, jimminy crickets.

I do it, he says "stop with the baby muscles"... what does that even mean???? I have no idea!

So he tells me... you need to work on that, but you are off crutches.....

WINNING!!!!!!!

Followed by... 

for the most part... except for when you need to stand or walk for a while (ie weddings). Poop.

Oh well, the positive is... I am moving forward!! Baby steps. I will be at this walking and stationary bike stage for 8 weeks... then we will work on getting back to activities. I will take it.

So we spent the weekend up in NH- went to a wedding of a former dance team teammate. It was great to be with the whole gang, and super great that they didn't ditch me all night to be on the dance floor. We were joking beforehand that I should learn to do the Lisa Turtle "Sprain". Shout out to Saved By the Bell.

We all hung out and had a great time, and it wasn't a downer to not be dancing as much as I thought. The fact that they stayed with me made it less painful. Hopefully by our last wedding of the year (another dance team wedding!) I will be able to bust a move.

I'm sorry what? You want to walk me on a leash?

I waited to write this post because I was on a rampage, and I wanted something good to happen before I blurted it all out on the debACLe page.

Last Thursday marked 4 weeks since surgery. One whole month! It just so happened that I had a PT appointment. Up until this hell day, PT was uncomfortable, a little painful, hard work, but it was tolerable. I walk in and I am seeing the PTA today for the first time. Originally I would have seen the PTA every other time, but because my case is rare and also fragile at first, the PT stayed with me for the first couple weeks.

Let the pain and horribleness begin. After my usual warm up exercises, he tells me we are going to walk for the first time. This might sound silly, but I literally have to learn to walk on my left leg again. What used to be a mindless activity is actually difficult. I don't have full range of motion and I have minimal muscle strength in my leg, so even holding up my body is difficult. BUT that being said, I had already cheated and I have been doing it a little bit at home. He then straps a belt around me with a leash. Are you kidding me? I ask him if he's joking. He is not.

For the next 10 minutes I get walked around the office like a dog. I am not being dramatic. 10 minutes doesn't seem like a long time, until you are being walked around the office in front of other people like a dog. I now feel guilty putting a leash on my own dog because it is not a good time. When we are done, he informs me that I did way better than he thought I would, I didn't even need the harness once (ya think?)

Then I lay on the table, Highway to Hell by AC/DC starts playing and then I was literally on the highway to hell. Stretching used to be one of my favorite things to do-- now that word stretching makes me cringe and want to kick someone in the teeth. I made a deal with myself that I would not ever cry while doing my PT. Crying shows weakness, and I want no delays in my recovery. However, this pain is so bad that my face turns purple (according to the PTA) and I had tears jumping out of my eyeballs. I don't consider it crying, because my definition of crying is sounds, quivering facial muscles, tears, and ugly cry face. I did none of those things... except tears.

In case you are wondering... here is my montage of celebrity ugly cry faces:

Who knew that bending my knee would be so miserable. Also 2nd worst stretching technique of the day: laying face down off a table with my knees and below hanging off... then putting weights on my ankle to try and force it straight. Swell!

After I told him I hated him and that he was a horrible person, 1. because he is a professional torturer, 2. because he showed no sympathy for me, and 3. i like to bitch and complain.... I got the usual ice and stim and was sent on my way--

On the drive home I decided that starting with the leash of embarassment erased all my dignity that I had left which put me in a not so good place for the activities that followed. I considered never going back, but hello can I be more dramatic. Nope. I would show him. I would go back ready for more torture the next time. I just needed the 4 days in between to get over it and hate him less.

4 weeks.

Today it has been 4 weeks since surgery. In some ways it feels more like 20, in other ways it feels like it has been 1 or 2. I can't believe how well healed my wounds are! They look really good still. I have been puncturing vitamin E oil capsules and squirting it on my cuts. Many people swear by this to eliminate scarring. I also read that it is a complete myth. Since I am gullible, and since I have nothing to lost by using it, I might as well keep at it. I will try anything!

Here is what my knee looks like at 4 weeks (the shiny stuff is the vitamin E):

I am going to PT tonight with some questions:

when can go in a pool? (because it sure as hell isn't fun watching your husband and dog frolic in the water while you sweat into disgustingness)

when do you think i will be able to wear high heels (judging from internet research, 1 year-  but im hoping for a better sooner answer)

can we kick up my motion exercises a notch? (i dont feel like I am in enough pain in that aspect- my hamstring/quad PT is kicking my ass, but I feel like I need to stay on the motion aspect and be pushed)

Next Friday I have my follow up with Dr. A- where he will decide if I can stop wearing the immobilizer and test me on my quad/hamstring strength, which when I eventually pass will result in no more crutches- but I Have been informed I will not be passing next week in the crutch category.

I have a very challenging weekend coming up- bachelorette party at Hampton Beach. Lots of things happening, most of which i can't partake in, including the exotic dancing class.... oh well. Looks like I will have to sit on the sidelines... but I am getting used to it. Nobody wants to see Gimpy McGoo try and dance like a stripper. It would not be a pretty sight.

3 week update and ramble. Strawberry shortcake is so good.

Last night was my 3rd session of PT. I went in with a gloomy attitude. I had gotten a lot of mediocre news at my last visit so I was in desperate need of good news. Since there was a complication with my hamstring graft, Dr. A used both my hamstring AND cadaver to create my new replacement ligament. Having an autograft and allograft is not super common, so my PT wanted to be very cautious until she talked to Dr. A to see what differences there would be in me rehab. The definite differences right off the bat were the brace I am in currently as well as the timeframe for weight bearing. Usually when this surgery goes as planned, I would be in a brace that looks like an immobilizer brace, but it has hinges at the knee to allow motion-- not full motion, they can set it to give you more and more as you heal. I am in a full immobilizer brace of hell. Also, weight bearing is allowed much quicker when your surgery goes the way it is supposed to. He told her absolutely no weight bearing until July 4th. I didn't say anything at first, but I guess I didn't really think about what weight bearing meant, as I was doing it in the days after my surgery. That, and I don't really listen to people in general. I did confess that I broke the weight bearing rule last night to my PT, and she did not seem impressed. Either way, going forward I can now  be full weight bearing WITH my crutches only. Nothing crazy. I still have the crutches, and even if I wanted to I can't walk without them because 1. I have zero muscle control in my quads and hamstrings, which is important when walking 2. I don't have full range of motion and 3. I am still in a full leg immobilizer brace.

I walked into therapy last night and first I saw my surgeon's daughter- who tore her ACL the same day I found out that I tore my ACL- she had her surgery about 4 weeks before me because she didn't hold off until the end of the dance year like I did. Seeing her made me feel so much better right off the bat. She was walking normal without crutches, and she was doing some pretty strenuous rehab without looking like she was in agonizing pain. Granted, I will not be on the same time frame as her hamstring autograft happened without a problem. I will be delayed from that, but I still think I won't be too far behind. That was encouraging to me.

My PT then let me know she spoke to Dr. A which I wasn't expecting because he was on vacation. He basically said that I am still in the immobilizer because they wanted to be careful with the combo graft. He informed her that I am ready for weight bearing, and that I will be skipping the hinged brace all together. Once I build up enough strength in my hamstring and quad, I can ditch the brace and just use crutches.... then from there I will get off the crutches. It sounds soon but it is not. It will take weeks to get my muscles back to a strength that will allow me to lose the brace/crutches. I can't get too excited, but I'm not gonna lie, I was excited. Finally a vague timeline! I love timelines.

I did leg raises for the first time today and she said to do 5-10 while holding 10 seconds, I did 20-- because I'm badass and because I want to get the hell out of this brace.

Anyways, feeling better again after my dip in moods yesterday. I was feeling bad for myself again, but I am feeling way better now. I accomplished 2 hours of PT successfully and without crying or tearing up or being a baby in any form.

So my goal is to work my butt off for the next 2 weeks. That's when my follow up with Dr. A is and I am sure he will test me and decide where I stand with that huge awful heavy annoying immobilizer. Fingers crossed.

Here is a pic from PT last night-- how fun does that look???

I would like to thank my PT for picking at my scabs, because I sure as hell wasn't going to do it.

And also while we are giving shout outs-- kudos to Kyle for making a ridiculously good strawberry shortcake for me on July 4th in between my whining about my inability to crutch somewhere to see fireworks and refusal to sit in a wheelchair so he could push me to fireworks, and then having the fireworks cancelled anyways so I was pouting about nothing... typical.

Strawberry shortcake is like heaven in dessert form. I have no turn off switch. I could eat that until I exploded. I have to be given a portion and that's it. It is so friggin good. So good. Every time I have strawberry shortcake, it's the best day of my life. BEST DAY OF MY LIFFFFFFFFFE!!!!!

Thank you to those certain people in my life that know what I need and are always there to give it to me-- you have helped me tremendously so far.

The toilet is a complicated creature.

I'm doing it. I'm talking about the toilet. I steered clear of the topic while on drugs. I even left another 2 weeks just in case I was still drug induced enough to say something horribly innappropriate. But it is time. Going pee used to be so freaking easy. Who knew that at the peak of my 29th year of age, I would have such difficulty using a simple household item. To clarify, my kidneys are just fine-- but physically sitting on a toilet is a whole different ball game. 

Problem 1: Crutching myself into a narrow bathroom. I have to do the newly named by me "crutch side step". God forbid a room can be wide enough for me to face it head on. Nope. I need to crutch side step to get to the stupid toilet.

Problem 2: Lowering myself to the toilet. Squatting on one leg while keeping my other leg straight is bad enough. Then add in the fact that the bath tub is located directly in front.... so I can't put my leg out straight. Now I have to do a diagonal squat lean to the right. Perfect.

Problem 3: Getting off the toilet. Grab whatever I can, pull myself up. If anything positive comes from this situation, I hope that it is a stronger core and better ab muscles. Body builder style. Yea I'm sure that will happen.

A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can't go anywhere until you change it.

I'm 2 weeks post op. 

My knee looks 100 times better than I thought it would. 

The constant pain is not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. 

The crutches don't hurt my armpits like they did pre surgery. 

My cankle is normal cankle size. 

The swelling is there, but it could be way worse. 

My wounds are healing. 

I am proud of my scar.

I stopped taking ibuprofin PM to sleep last night.

I did 5 full revolutions on the stationary bike last night.

I did partial revolutions for 20 minutes.

I start PT tomorrow, and I can't wait to get my ass kicked. No pain no gain.

I can put 100% weight on my new ACL.

Let's not pretend I am positive all the time. I am by nature a negative person. I am making a conscious effort to change that, because... if I don't try and stay positive, I will never get better. I am allowed a break down now and then, but I can't waste all my time complaining and feeling bad for myself. People have it worse than me. People I know have it worse than me. I have no business complaining. I will cry and whine at weak moments, but as a whole, it is what I make it. I need to push myself... which I've been doing. I need to work my ass off.

One Week Follow Up with Dr. A

I can't believe it has already been 8 days since surgery. It has not been fun, but I am past one of the hardest points, and that makes me happy- although I know I have a lot of painful hardwork in the future. After visiting with Dr. A today I feel alot more positive and confident with my recovery.

I finally am starting to feel back to normal- not as much nausea, not as tired. That first week was rough. I felt like crap. There is no other way to describe it. I remember almost nothing from last week. I actually don't even remember writing my blog posts. I don't remmeber conversations, but I do remember bits and pieces of events. I just wanted to take a minute and thank everyone that has come to visit me over the last week. Visitors took my mind of the pain, and put be in better spirits. So... Mom, Dad, Lindsey, Grams & Gramps, Amelia, Jen, Jon, Scott, and my in laws... thank you so much for spending time with me. It meant alot. Also a huge thanks to my mom and hubby- for being my nurses all last week when I couldn't do anything on my own... and for comforting me when I was frustrated and in pain. I also received so many great gifts, and I am thankful for having my Pumknpie Steph who I wish lived closer, and hopefully will soon.

So, waking up this morning I was very stressed about my doctor's appointment. I felt like I wasn't maybe where I was supposed to be with PT, especially since I stopped taking pain killers on day 2. Maybe if I took them, I could have pushed harder. I felt supper nervous about getting my stitches out-- Kyle makes fun of me because when y surgery was planned, I was more worried about getting my stitches out then the actual surgery. I mean, I know that is ridiculous, but I am ridiculous.

Here is what my leg looked like at day 5:

(Doesn't that incision look like Frankenstein??)

 I got to the surgeon's office and got stitches taking out of my arthroscopic holes. It stung a little, but nothing I couldn't handle. From there, I went in to get x-rays, then back to the room to get the long stitches out of my incision. That wasn't so bad either, although I was so nervous I was sweating. Then Dr. A came in-- had me do a few things and then told me how great I have progressed. Holy crap did that feel awesome to hear. My mobility is ahead of schedule, and he thinks I will be off crutches sooner than originally thought!

My xrays show that I am healing well inside- and he said my new ACL feels solid which is great news. He said that my case was rare- the original plan was to harvest my hamstring and so after going in my hamstring wasn't big enough, so in addition he also used a cadaver ligament. So yes, I have a dead person in me. Awesome!

So the plan for now is that I start actual PT next Friday. I am going to a new physical therapist, so I will be starting over fresh. I am excited to get going and strengthen up my leg. As of right now, my left leg looks a little like I have Polio. I would like to get them back to the same size... right now my left leg is significantly smaller than the right. I think that I will measure so that I can track my process.

I feel great, I feel positive (a big change from last week and even this morning), and I am looking forward to getting back to normal.

Important things: Laughing, Determination, Nail Polish, Ibuprofen, Ginger Ale, Tissues, and a Husband, Family, and Friends that know what you need without having to tell them.

No comedic youtube video for me

I will admit it, my husband was right.

I watched a million youtube videos of everything having to do with ACL surgery-- the actual surgery, the recovery, and then finally... coming out of anesthesia. I begged Kyle to videotape me coming out of anesthesia because I thought it would be fun to make fun of myself later. Kyle said no, he would not do that, it's a private thing, my mom took his side, I pouted, etc. Turns out it is pretty awesome that they chose that route, because me coming out of anesthesia was not pretty, and quite frankly it was a little scary.

I remember bits and pieces, but it was horrible. Since I didn't have my glasses on, I think it heightened my panic, so that didn't help. The first time I woke up, I couldn't see, and I was shaking uncontrollably.  I started panicking because I didn't know where anyone was. The nurse came over pretty quickly I am sure, but it felt like forever. I told her I couldn't stop shaking and I couldn't see. I remember her telling me that I was convulsing and it was a normal side effect that some people have, and they were giving me demerol to control it. She also said she would get Kyle for me.

The next time I woke up I was still shaking, Kyle was there, and I felt horrible. The nurse was there, and was telling us that they were giving me another dose of demerol because my shaking had not stopped yet. At his point I remember them talking about concern that my heart rate wasn't stabilizing. It kept spiking up and down, and it wasn't settling. I think I fell asleep again. I remember hearing the concern in Kyle and the nurse's voice. I wish he didn't have to worry about me like that.

The next time I woke up, I was in the room I had started in before surgery. They were discussing whether I would be staying for observation or not. I was told before that there was a chance I would be staying, but given my inscrutableness, I am sure that didn't help. I really really really did not want to stay over. I was so uncomfortable, I felt absolutely horrible. The shaking had stopped, but I felt so anxious. After I hung out for a while longer, drank like 3 cans of gingerale, and had some crackers... they ok'ed me to go home. Thank god.

I was totally drugged up, and I don't remember leaving the hospital, but I do remember being put in the car-- I remember sitting in the back super excited about the strawberry milkshake I was about to get, and I am pretty sure I google chatted Scott and Steph. not sure what I said, but there was definitely some conversation.

Surgery Day better late than never.

I am not as good at this blog as I would have originally thought I would be. I assumed I would be bored out of my mind, blogging away about everything I can think of. I did not take into consideration the drugs I would be taken. I had surgery 4 days ago, and I am finally able to put thoughts together. So now I have to play catch up and go back to everything I have done since Tuesday.

Here is my pre surgery knee situation. Good amount of swelling, but not so bad.

Surgery Day:
Well.... it wasn't any better or worse than I expected. It was just different. I arrived at 6:15am for an 8:00am surgery. They took me in pretty much right away. They had Kyle wait in the waiting room while I went to my bed, put a hospital gown on and got comfortable. By comfortable I mean uncomfortable. There is nothing comfortable about what happened from this point until now.

They asked me a lot of questions- when did I last eat, what leg am I having surgery on, have I taken any medication, etc. I do have one very important bit of advice that I received that everyone should know about. If you are receiving anesthesia.... tell every nurse, the anesthesiologist, the doctor... everyone... that you get carsick and you have motion sickness. They will put a patch behind your ear and it will eliminate all nausea for the first 2 days. It was amazing. I know this because when I took it off, I felt like I needed to yack every five minutes, and I know longer found food important. The tricky thing with that is that you need to eat food to take the percs. Anyways, get the patch.

From there, Kyle was allowed back in and we hung out for a little while. They put in my IV and started me on fluids. The anesthesiologist came in to ask some questions, and also took the time to tell me to chill out because I was way too serious. He brought in an assistant that sounded like her was from central Alabama. His accent was fun. They said they would come back once the doctor came in and signed my leg.

Dr. A came in a little while after- asked me some questions, and gave me a few last minute details- I would have pain down my shin for awhile, make sure I do my exercises, and I would lose feeling permanently on the left side of my shin, underneath my knee. He said the area will start larger, but the permanent loss size will be the size of a silver dollar. My brain will adjust, and I will eventually not even notice. I think this is a lie since I lost feeling at the top of one of my fingers a few years ago and I will realize that. My brain did not forget.

Anyways, he autographed above and below my knee, and told me he would see me in the OR.

Enter the anesthesiologist and his Alabamanian. They came in to do the nerve block. Basically, this is used for pain management. They stuck a long thin needs through my groin, and although I was exposed and awkward, they gave me drugs to make me not care, and I watched the ultra sound monitor as they maneuvered the needle around. Done. Takes about 20 minutes and they kept having me lift my leg to see how heavy it was. Eventually I thought I was lifting it when I wasn't.

I was wheeled into the ER and I only remember a few things from there.
- The nurse asked me if I was cold, I said yes, they gave me a warm blanket
- The nurse told me she was putting a circulation stocking on my non surgical leg.
- The anesthesiologist told me they were giving me oxygen
- The nurse helped me put the surgery cap on
- Dr. A said hello

From there, I remember nothing.

One Week... Barenaked Ladies Style.

Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of losing my shirt.
(and a crutch)

One week until surgery!

If you know me- there is no need to explain the state I am in right now. 

If you don't know me, here is a brief summary:

Hives. High Strung. Emotional. Ridiculous. Obsessive. Not Sleeping.

That about sums it up.

On a positive note- Modern Family Season 1 on it's way to my house from Netflix. I have Mario Kart ready to go.What else is more important than that?

Pre-Op Fun and I Lost My Crutch.

Well, it's really happening. I went in this morning for my pre-op testing. I filled out lots of paper work, met with a physical therapist, and had blood work done.

After filling out pages and pages of paperwork, they had me meet with a hospital PT, to show me exercises that I will need to start immediately after surgery until I meet with my regular PT. She said the focus of the first 2 weeks is pain management, reducing swelling, and getting back some range of motion. They met with me now to tell me all of this because I will be too drug induced to care after surgery.

After going through all my exercises, I headed down to the dungeon to find the lab and get my blood work done. Anyone that knows me is aware that I have to the worst luck with most things, and blood work is no exception. I have midget veins, and only the elite phlebotomists can find them. A typical blood draw for me consists of more than 3 sticks with the needle, both arms abused, and an aftermath of bruises similar to that of a heroine addict. Wasn't I pleasantly surprised when my wonderful phlebotomist got me on the first try, without digging around-- straight shot to the vein. Just like that I was done- she said I shouldn't bruise-- and I believed her!

After that I was sent on my way with a packet of info to prepare me for my surgery. I will say, I was not happy about the part that instructed me not to shave the leg for the few days leading up to surgery-- for some people that might not be a big deal- but I am Italian/Sicilian. Ideally I need to shave twice a day. So I am apologizing in advance to my nurses and surgeon, because they are in for a fun stubbly surprise.

On another note, my crutch armpit squishy pads came in- and I went to go put them on my crutches and low and behold... I lost one. How do you lose a crutch? Oh I am not sure, but I certainly managed to do so. So I have 2 weeks to pray to St. Anthony as much as possible and hope that my missing crutch turns up. This is typical Chrissy. COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Twinsies!!!

I watched a video of Mariano Rivera tearing his ACL last night during the Yankees game last night. I will tell you, I feel the dude's pain. When I tore my ACL, I made the SAME EXACT face that he made when he tore his. We also did the same collapse/roll/fetal position scenario. I was of course way more graceful about it.

Video of Mariono Rivera tearing his poor little ACL

40 Days and 40 Nights

It's officially 40 days until the big day. It seems fitting that it is raining.

At this point I just want to get it over with... waiting is the worst part. I'm kind of in a holding tank right now. I feel like one of those goldfish that is stuck in a plastic bag. The GFish can't do anything but wait... it's sort of pathetic.

I do have semi stupid questions I need answered, and I am not sure who to ask.

When will I be able to sit indian style again?
Believe it or not, this is one of my most missed activities. I realize now how much I actually sat around indian style. It was a lot. I LOVE sitting indian style. I can't tell you how much I just want to criss cross apple sauce all day long.

When will pushing and pulling store doors be easy again?
This is one of those things that you would never think would be a problem. Something with planting your feet and using your whole body to push and pull doors... whatever it is, I no longer have that ability. I have to do the one leg swoop with this one right now. I have a new found appreciation for automatic doors.

When will I be able to kick my own ass again?
I used to have no problem literally kicking my own butt with my foot. It's now impossible! I still got the right side, but I don't want to neglect my left butt cheek. It's just not fair. From what I hear, this might be one of those things that I will never get back. The thought of never being able to kick my own left ass makes me a little sad, but in the grand scheme of things... I don't think it will change the course of my life.

I've decided I am going to set milestones for myself.  That way I will have a  list of things to work towards and then I can cross things off my list as my recovery goes on. On the list? Double left en dehors pirouette. It will happen again!

I've worked up from doing only half bike revolutions for 10 minutes, to ride fully on the bike for 40 minutes. This is great news. I set a goal each day, and then passed the goal before stopping. That's my plan for post surgery recovery.

"We may get knocked down on the outside, but the key to living in victory is to learn how to get up on the inside." -Joel O

My Rocky Relationship with a Stationary Bike...

Everyone has told me that the most important part of rehab before and after surgery is the stationary bike. Since I am temporarily not going to physical therapy anymore-- thanks again to BCBS, I have commenced to exercising at home. Thanks to a friend, I now have a stationary bike to enjoy in the comfort of my living room... while watching horrible TV.

Up until the last few days, I had been doing 10 minutes on the bike at a steady pace. I decided that I was in control of my own outcome, so I am pushing it up as much as I can. A few days ago I switched to 15 minutes, then 20, and last night... 25! It may not seem like a lot, but it sure feels like a lot.

At 10 minutes, I am feeling good, waiting for Giuliana and Bill, Dance Moms, or Big Rich Texas to come back on (please note: horrible TV), and this is typically how I am looking. Please not that on the old pain chart my face is a "0" and on the new updated pain chart, a "1ish":

Now let's fast forward to 20 minutes. As Dane Cook would say-- Here comes an entirely different Oprah (insert:chrissy)... not so fun.... not so carefree.

Back to the pain chart! This face would be like a level 6 on the old chart and a level 3 on the new chart-- thus again showing that the pain chart is stupid. How was I actually feeling? Not so great... but then Kyle says is it a work through the pain hurt or a I need to stop hurt? It's a work through the pain hurt. Take THAT useless chart.

"At this very moment, God’s working behind the scenes in your life, arranging things in your favor. Stay in faith!" -Joel Osteen

Making Everything Better...

Click here to make everything OK.

Pain Scale = Useless.

What is the point of the pain scale? I literally pull a number out of a unicorn's butt when asked what my pain scale is.

The last time I was questioned about my pain-- I tried to argue the cause. Ok, every time I am asked, I argue the cause. I think it's stupid. The doctor/nurse/PT will then always point to this gem on the wall:

Oh ok, that explains it! Really? How does this chart help me in any way decipher how bad my pain is? Well it hurts a little bit, but maybe a whole lot, maybe even more... what? The pain descriptions don't even go in order. Why is a whole lot more than even more? Which brings me to a better chart that they should think about switching over to:

I mean, I definitely know when I was able to walk it off, and when I decided that crying was for sissies. This is a much easier way to chart my pain. In which case am I judging on the photo or the word description. because facewise, I would say I look like a 3. That being said, 3 doesn't seem so bad, so why I am having surgery?

Well I am having surgery because that expensive piece of machinary known as an MRI (shout out to BCBS for being stupid and not paying for it) told me my ACL is torn.

In closing, I think that if the MRI is showing a torn ACL, and I am having surgery either way... what is the purpose of the pain chart? It makes no difference one way or another in how they are handling my situation. All it does is make me a difficult patient.